I am doing something that is at once terrifying and liberating, shameful yet practical. It is terrifying because I may for the first time really go into debt in the process, and I don't really know if the monetary benefit in the end will be worth it, but it is liberating because I don't have to follow the path that I have unwittingly laid for myself--one which does not suit my personality or desires. It is shameful because I am doing this now and not ten years ago, but if I am right about everything, it is really the only practical thing for me to do.
As you know, I need to finish my thesis, and then I will have an M.A. in History (assuming my committee finds it acceptable this time). This POS is quite possibly the biggest drag on my life/soul at the moment. Add to that the fact that I am jobless and still have money owed to me from previous tenants, and my precarious career and overall financial situation is nearly unbearable. Yet, it is at this point in my life that I am choosing to re-set, and I am going back to get another undergraduate degree (the first time around I got a B.A. in International Studies and History). This time I am going into graphic design.
This time I am also going to have to pay the tuition myself. I could ask my parents for help, but I'm too ashamed to do that. Instead, I will work whatever job(s) I can find to pay for my studies, and get financial aid of some sort if I can.
I also quit that band that I tried out for a couple weeks ago. It was okay as long as I was given a say in what I sang and how I sang it, and as long as I wasn't completely cognizant of just how bad the financial situation is (I need to drive to Cedar Rapids for practice once a week, which is just one more thing to pay for). Well, it turns out that they pretty much lied to me when they said my opinion would matter, because they told me last week that they (the guitarist in particular--the one who wrote the songs) didn't want me to change anything of substance in the songs, at least not for now.
There are a couple things wrong with that. First, things are never just "for now." They may start out that way, but then they get ingrained, and it becomes harder by the day for things to change. I've been through this too many times to be naive enough to think otherwise. Second, the way it was put to me was as if I was being given such free range to do what I wanted, which is bullshit. The guitarist basically said, "I want you to use only the lyrics I gave you, and I want you to sing them in the rhythm/beat that they are on the recording. Besides that, you can do whatever you want with them!" He said that like it was such a great deal, like he was compromising with me. If you tell me I can't change the words, and I can't change the rhythm they're sung in, then all that is left is the notes and timbre! That's not much freedom at all. That is, in reality, being in a cover band which covers songs that I don't like and can't change.
Let's pause for a second and just consider how many possibilities for notes there really were for me. On the face of it, maybe it seems like there's lots of choices. After all, there are 12 notes in an octave, and my range of comfort is two octaves (rounding down). I can push the limits of my range on both ends to almost three octaves on a good day, but those notes are not in my comfort zone. Anyway, two octaves times 12 notes equals 24 possibilities. Obviously, there's already one note being sung at any one moment, so that's actually 23 possibilities for change. Well, only a few notes per octave actually sound good with each chord, etc. being played at the moment--we'll say four. That leaves seven possible options for changing the notes, one of which is just an octave higher or lower than the recorded note, which is hardly much of a change, but we'll still count it. Of course, I don't like to just sing the guitar part, and about half of the other notes just aren't going to sound right, even if they technically are the correct pitch to match the ones being played. So this leave me with, say, three possibilities to choose from at any one point.
Then, of course, you have to think about the flow of the notes together. What you would choose for flow depends to a large extent on the rhythm that you choose to sing the lyrics--both because moving the placement of the words could mean you are singing with different guitar notes, and because certain notes may sound better when sung quickly together but not stretched apart, for instance--and it even depends a bit on what words you use. This takes out another option or two, so that a typical singer is limited to two alternatives, at best, for singing a section with such limitations.
If any guitarists out there aren't understanding what the big deal is, imagine the singer gave you a bunch of songs he had made. He's a good singer, but his guitar riffs are typically uninspiring--even corny--and simplistic. Now, let's assume he tells you that you can do whatever you want with those songs, as long as you don't change the rhythm or the effects patches used. Do you feel liberated, like the sky's the limit? Or do you think to yourself, "Gee, that leaves me with changing which notes go in which places, and what techniques I use (palm muting, etc.)." You can't even change a whole note into four quarter notes. You can play a different note for that whole note, but not much else.
Wow, that was a long rant. I just don't understand how he could have thought that I would be okay with that, after I made a point of saying multiple times on the first night that it was important to me that I have a voice in decision-making (and yes, that meant over what I do with my own voice in the band, too!), especially since it shouldn't affect his playing, although when I asked him, he said it does (?).
Let's end on a good note, shall we? I have received money from two of the former tenants, which means I only have two left! Of course, the due date is tomorrow, so that makes me nervous.
I also created a new game. It is very light and simple, with lots of luck in it, but there is still enough strategy to make it an enjoyable play for any age. Because it is so light and simple, I'm think the target audience would most likely be young'uns. The tentative name is Itsy Bitsy Spiders, but when I looked on BGG, I found a few Itsy Bitsy Spider games. While my name is technically different (Spider is pluralized in mine), that's a little close for comfort--we'll see...
